We shouldn’t change who we are for another person. BUT what if it’s not just change?What if we are growing and becoming healthier?

I am jealous. I am mean. I am selfish. I am pushy. I am hurtful. I am manipulative. I am critical. I am…a lot of shitty things sometimes.

THAT’S who I am–at least some of the time. Guess what. You can’t be those things and be in a healthy relationship–romantic or otherwise. (Just like you can’t pretend you don’t have feelings/needs/wants and be in a healthy relationship. Cough. Cough.) So because I have negative attributes I can’t ever be in a healthy relationship?! I mean, we aren’t supposed to change who we are for someone else, right? Well, I call bullshit. It’s the kind of change that matters. Is it healthy? Yes? Then let that person change you! Grow for them…and you.

I’m depressed. I’m anxious. I am mentally ill. THAT’S also who I am. So, because it’s who I am, I shouldn’t work on it? Shouldn’t change who I am? I should lie in bed all day, eating (or starving depending on which emotional issue is winning at the moment)? Sometimes I get the hell out of bed for other people. And that makes me healthier…and happier. At least in the long run.

So, if the change in you another person needs is healthy, I say work on it. (And fail, and work on it, and fail, and so on. Because no one is asking for perfection, just bettering.)