Progress

I recently realized I am not as changed as I had thought. The hurt I felt from another person’s actions sent me spiraling down the rabbit hole again. Crying. Panic attack. Binge. Self-hate.

But I am still a different person than I was—and much closer to the one I want to be. Although my immediate reaction was same old stupidity, my following reactions were not. Breathing. Release. Positivity. Introspection.

A new relationship also has me questioning the motives behind my feelings. Are these really just old patterns disguised as progress? Do I want this person? Or do I just want someone? The recent difference is that I am doing this questioning; not just hoping, planning, and ignoring.

The realization that the work I’ve done has not produced quite the results I want (yet) used to be something which would cause surrender. Now it’s causing renewed determination. That IS progress.

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