I feel very untethered. Even before my dad died almost three years ago, I had moved a bit. But I still felt connected, like a kite on a string. Since he’s been gone, I’m floating free. Too free.

From the time I was a teenager, my mom and I have not had what you’d call a strong relationship. We just don’t like each other very much. It’s not that we have nothing in common; quite the opposite. Almost everything I don’t like about myself I learned from her. All those personality traits I hate about myself, the ones I work so hard to overcome, are the same faults I find in her. It’s hard to be around someone who reminds you of the person you used to be. And it makes it all the more difficult to remember you are not that person anymore.

Most people (Many people? Some people?) have a constant. A person, activity, or belief that is always there in some manner or other.

I lack a lifelong friend or family member to whom I am close, reminding me who I am…and how far I’ve come. I don’t have a talent that defines me. There isn’t something I was just born to be, nor an overriding purpose to what I do.

Where is the Desmond Hume to my Daniel Faraday? I need a constant.

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4 Responses to Constant

  1. Take it easy on yourself 🙂

    As far as your talent… you are multi-talented. You have also touched my life in ways I am yet to be able to put words too. That gift, …that love that you shared and continue to share will guide you if you reflect it back at yourself ❤

    Love ya & Thank You!

  2. Melissa says:

    Oh Justen, my dear, thank you! XO

  3. Michael Stajduhar says:

    At first I thought you meant these guys:

    You’re a lovely, amazing woman and you’ll find your….your anchor. You’ve had an amazing life…and you’re just getting started. You may feel a little adrift…we all do from time to time. I had a decade when I felt that way. You’ll get there.

So, whaddya think?

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